Super Mom – 5 Truths About Not Being Perfect

You do not have to be Super Mom!

There are so many web sites out there dedicated to moms nowadays. In fact, you’re reading this article on a mom self-care site! Look online, do a Google search and you’ll see: The Net is brimming over with web sites dedicated to moms who are “supermoms” who are able to juggle work, family and homemaking seamlessly, stay-at-home moms, moms who work from home, and moms who  multi-task. In each site, there’s always advice or tips on being a better mom, a better wife, a better somebody.

It seems people have solutions for other people. Other moms give their opinion, their two cents worth on how to cope with so-and-so situation, or with so-and-so person. It gets baffling sometimes when you read through so many opinions. Why?

Because, at the end of the day, none of us have it all together. None of us are super moms.

This is a realization which I have recently started to dwell on and mull over often. Actually, it is quite liberating for me. In a society that prides accomplishments and meeting ideals, it can be difficult to settle for the idea that you don’t need to be super mom and have your ducks in a row. But I believe that it’s a truth that every mother should know. Why? Because it is the most liberating thing to know that you have the option to fail…and it’s OK.

Here’s five truths about moms like us…

1. We don’t need to have it “all-together.” The truth is, there will never be a point when everything works like clockwork in our homes or families or marriages. We’re all flawed human beings just trying to make the world a bit better for our families. Still, we’re all deemed to clash with one another at some point. In my case, I’m learning that “having it all together” is some myth that magazine-perfect scenarios have led me to believe. The truth is, only one thing keeps me together, and that’s faith: Faith in God, faith in my marriage, faith in my son, faith in people who make me a want to be a better person. I can let my hair get unruly, let the dishes go unwashed once in a while, and give myself a break from rigor. It’s OK. There’s always tomorrow to try again, to do better.

2. We have room for failure. I can be a perfectionist to a fault. In the past, failures have bogged me down to the point that I had to be accountable to others for my moments of depression. It wasn’t until someone wise told me some great advice: Failure is a teacher. When we see failure as a stepping stone to a new and better reality, we can focus less on what we did not achieve and dedicate more effort to doing our best, regardless of our unmet expectations. I’ve learned that it’s OK to be vulnerable, especially in front of my husband and son. There’s more satisfaction in a marriage when one can be stronger for the other at some point! It makes my husband feel like the hero he needs to be when I’m feeling low or mediocre–husbands, they need to feel like the knight in shining armor sometimes. When we let ourselves fail, we’re also less hard on ourselves, we get to “breathe” more, we get to relax more.

3. Each of us is one-of-a-kind. “Oh, please,” many moms might say. I’ve heard that before, you may be thinking. Here me out, please. I’m not saying this as a cop-out–it is a profound truth that I firmly stand on. You see, before I believed that there was nothing special about me. I felt common, like I had nothing in my personality that made me shine. That is, until I met my husband. There’s a gift that only your spouse can give you, and that’s a once-in-a-lifetime love. It’s the only brand of love (next to that of your kids’) that can make you feel like life is not all that bad, boring or mundane.

4. We deserve to celebrate life. Many women self-destruct because they fail in this most basic of foundational truths. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yourself on the altar of perpetual parenthood. You’re still you, and you deserve to take time out to celebrate who you are. An old saying here in my home country of the Philippines says, “The mother is the light of the home.” You owe it to your family to feel great about yourself; it’s only when you permit yourself to celebrate your life that you immediately improve the quality of life of your family. As the “light of the home,” you need time out to recover that inner glow. Do whatever it takes to restore the light in you: meditate, retreat, relax, go on a vacation…

5. Each of us is complete. “But, I don’t have the house I wanted,” you say, or “I’ve not accomplished all I’ve wanted to.” Having goals and ambitions is all good. But if it so happens that you are not able to commit to them because your commitments lie elsewhere (i.e. to your family, your children, your current situation), you are not any less of a person. Despite the piles of unwashed laundry, cluttered closets and crying babies, you are still complete.

This is an original post written by contributing writer Martine De Luna.

photo credit: storebukkebruse