This is an original post written by contributing writer Lisa Hanneman.
If you ask me what I miss most about my pre-mom life it wouldn’t be the nights out with friends, the lazy Sundays, the extra cash to splurge on dinners, or the alone time I used to have with my husband. Sure, I miss all those things, but I miss something more. I really miss running. I miss being able to say I’m a runner and plan my day around getting in a run. It’s that runner’s high that I miss the most, the feeling of finishing a really good run, the energy and buzz that I carry with me all day.
Since I had my son I’ve only run maybe ten times. Pitiful, huh? When I first got pregnant I tried to keep it up, but terrible round ligament pain made walking a block difficult enough. Running was off the table. After I had my son the thought of running was just exhausting. Once his sleep schedule was more predictable and I was getting some rest the thought of jiggling along with this too soft body made me want to crawl into a hole, not run. I’ve made up excuse after excuse.
It used to be easy. I used to belong to the perfect gym that fit my needs. I used to have the time in the morning to wake up and get in a run before heading to work. I used to have the energy to update my I-Pod and search for new music. Now I have an expensive jogger and an even more expensive treadmill in my basement collecting dust. It’s as if they’re almost begging me to use them. I can hear them calling my name, even. But, I don’t use them, because I’m terrified of failure. I’m terrified of struggling through three miles. Hey, I could be struggling through one mile. Running might be a solitary activity for me, so who would I be embarrassed in front of? Myself? Bingo! Might sound like crazy talk, but for me letting myself down is worse than letting others down. If I don’t live up to the expectations I have for myself, I’ve failed.
Here we are, nearly 21 months after my son was born and I’m finally feeling that longing to take a good run. I know I need to do it for myself. I’m positive it will make me a healthier, happier, and much more balanced mom and partner. I know that the first runs will be tough. I can’t expect to knock out five miles in 45 minutes like I used to, but maybe I’ll be doing that by the end of the summer. I’ll start this weekend…. But, first, I’m going to need a new pair of shoes.
Lisa Hanneman strives for balance in a life overbooked by her husband, adorable toddler son, full-time job, friends, home projects, blogging, and busy social calendar. Most weeks she manages to squeeze in a bikram yoga class with her best friend, but she only manages to get her hair cut once a year. She dreams about volunteering, staying ahead of the laundry pile and dust bunnies, and a to-do list with only five items on it. You can find her blogging about life as a rookie parent while laughing at herself on her personal blog, Hannemaniacs.
Image courtesy of Andy Newson / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Lisa, I hope you will update us. It really sounds like you miss running. Somehow we seem to find the time to do the things we really want to – but only when the timing is right for us. Good for you for waiting for the transformation from a “should” to a “want to”. Best wishes.