Motherhood and Identity – Reconnecting With Who You Are

This is an original post written by singer/songwriter Tricia Mitchell.

The Mother archetype is ancient and powerful.  From the minute we’re pregnant, this magnificent and impossible role descends upon us, partly by choice, but also through advice and projections about what a mother should be and do.  I’ve been thinking about the idea of “re-connecting” with myself that Renee Trudeau writes about in Month One of the Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal.    The concept generates many questions:  How does one re-connect?  Why?  How did I ever become disconnected?  What does all of this have to do with motherhood?

One response is this:  We humans would not be able to survive in community, nor raise children, were it not for our ability to temporarily put aside our needs and feelings.  The good and bad news about parenting is that we can be so caught up in bonding, meeting our kids’ needs, and even pleasing outsiders, that we can completely distance ourselves from our selves.  Amazing!  Scary!

At some point, a healthy parent accepts that it is not possible to meet all of her child’s needs.  It’s also not possible to satisfy other adults’ expectations about parenting.  I wish there were more conversation about the stages of parenting and more dialogue about how much of the impossible archetype we’re willing–and happy–to take on.

I have a simple list of ways that I re-connect with my pre-mommy self.  It includes quiet, solitude, self-expression, healthy food, friends, and moving my body.  When I make the time and effort to do these things—despite occasional resistance from “my little obligations”—I become more whole, refreshed, and sane.  Without question, I am better for my kids and husband.

I have only two pieces of advice for new parents:  1) never, ever, for any reason, put your wallet on top of the car while you buckle the car seat, and 2) take a Sharpie and write the correct medicine dosage, in large print, on the side of the bottle.  When it’s 3 a.m. and your baby’s teething, you don’t want to be slowed down by that microscopic print on the label.

Oh wait, there’s one more thing, but it’s not really advice:  I say that having a baby is like having a Scud missile go off in the middle of your life.  After the baby’s born, you can look around and see all of the pieces of your pre-baby life, but they will never go back together quite the same way again.  It’s all a process, part loss, but mostly gain.  At the center of your new life–with time, conscious effort, and a lot of support–is a family.

Tricia Mitchell has a long and winding resume that includes being a mother of two young children, using hypnosis to birth two babies without painkillers, cultivating an entrepreneurial spirit, forming warm and juicy lifelong friendships, balancing work and life, studying the intricacies of the human heart, striving to maintain a bright and spunky light no matter what others may say or do, and last but not least, winning fans as a singer and songwriter.

Tricia blogs at TriciaMitchell.Blogspot.com and you can check out her music at TriciaMitchell.com.